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10 signs of a winning date

Everything was in place: the intimate bistro, the candlelight, the conversation. But somehow you still had the feeling that there was something lacking. Or were you just reading the situation incorrectly?

You might think it's obvious when sparks are starting to fly with your latest date. But a successful date doesn't always mean you end up in the sack. So, if you can't use that as a measure, how do you know when things are going well?

She remembers you. There is little more devastating than spending days getting the courage together to phone someone interesting you met at a birthday part last week – and then having to explain who you are. If she instantly remembers you, you're on the right track for a romantic evening.

She sounds enthusiastic. Right, you've made a date and you phone the day before to confirm everything, and it's obvious that she has been looking forward to the evening. What's not good, is if you get the impression that she's forgotten and it's a good thing you phoned, otherwise you might have been stood up. Or she sounds tentative and as if she's not sure about wanting to go.

She's on time. If the evening is really important to her, she won't make you wait. Not for more than ten minutes anyway. There's nothing more nerve-wracking than having to make small talk for half an hour to parents or to a flatmate in slippers while you're waiting. It's a real passion killer.

She's looking good. If she has obviously taken trouble over her appearance, it's because she wants to make a good impression. Good signs are a new hairdo and a new outfit. Bad signs are hair that's past its wash-by day, nail polish that's chipped, stockings that are laddered, or an outfit that was obviously worn to work that day.

She likes where you've taken her. If she says nice things about the restaurant, it means you share preferences in certain things. So try and find out beforehand if she prefers the sterile bathroom atmosphere of a sushi joint, or the dark and romantic candlelight of a backstreet bistro. If she looks comfortable in the restaurant, and makes positive comments on the menu and the décor, you're off to a very good start.

She makes eye contact. Direct eye contact is a very personal thing – especially if you're sitting close to each other. If she's avoiding doing this, there might be a problem. That bit about the eyes being the windows to the soul – it's true. If she looks you in the eye, then looks down and looks up again, she's a winner. This is international flirting language. So is touching you in any way, or sharing food.

She orders medium-priced dishes. If she orders all the most expensive things on the menu, she's either a gold digger who has mistaken you for Mr Moneybags, or she really didn't feel like the evening, and is making up for it by eating everything in sight. If you suspect she's after your credit card, rather than your scintillating personality, run for the hills.

You laugh together. People who share a sense of humour, could share a lot of other things as well. Humour is so specific and reveals a lot about who you are. Laugh about the same things and you're definitely on the same page. If that spark is absent, nothing can light it.

She talks and listens. If she's talking and listening in equal measures, you're off to a good start. One-way conversations are very unsexy. Especially if they're all about her, or an ex of hers. If by the end of the evening you feel as you've been standing under a waterfall of words, hit the road. It's never going to be about you. Not even partially.

The overnighter. While being asked to spend the night is not the only measure of the success of a date, it is a reasonably good indication that she likes you, unless she has had far too much to drink. Whatever you do, just remember to practise safe sex. But even if she just lets slip at any time during the evening that she wants to see you again, you could be home free. Even if you don't get asked to spend the night.

(Susan Erasmus, Health24, updated July 2011)

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